I observed in amazement a father to son communication event the other morning. While waiting in line for a coffee drink, I overheard a conversation behind me:
"We've got 20 minutes to get you there."
"How long will it take?"
"At least 10 to drive, and with this line, you're just going to the late."
"That's okay, I show up late all the time."
I stopped to consider that last affirmation. One of my teachers, Lorraine Monroe, says, "You get what you expect…" [there's more to the quote, read on to the end!]. Ever since hearing that, it has amazed me what some people will confess they expect. Over the years, I have watched and listened, picking up what I can, wherever I can.
As we made our way to the front of the line, I turned my attention to the local newspaper I was reading, Cleveland's "The Plain Dealer." Minutes later, I heard a commotion off to the side, my line-mates had their drinks and were excusing themselves through a large group of people.
I made my way around the other side of the store, and sat at a table near the door, and…next to the condiments table.
There, the son stopped, took off the cup lid, and reached for the sugar...
"Come on, let's go, we're going to be late."
[Child pouring sugar.]
"OK, that's enough sugar."
[Child sighs loudly, reaches for lid.]
"Stir it up."
[Child reaches for a stir stick.]
"Hurry up, let's go."[Child stirs drink, spills some of his drink on the counter. Gets napkins to clean it up.]
"OK, clean it up, come on, let's go."
[Child reaches for napkins, I watch us as heat nudges the sugar jar over and off the countertop. It shatters on the floor, sugar slides everywhere.]
"Oh, now you've done it."
[Child, flustered, knocks up as the father comes around the counter, puts the lid on the spilled drink, and walks out. Oh, and they did not even let the store employees know what happened!]
Now I'm the kind of guy (and yes clients and friends alike call me weird!) who wonders what would've happened if the beginning were different.
Try this one on for change.
"We've got 20 minutes to get you there."
"How long will it take?"
"At least 10 minutes to drive, watch this line is going to go smoothly, we'll get the drinks we want and walk carefully back to the car. Traffic will be light, and we will get you to school on time, for the highest good."
Over the years I've realized how important it is to ask for exactly what I want. (However, I admit there have been times when I've been surprised and not gotten the results I was after.)
(Occasionally, the universe has something else in store - and, looking back, it's always for the best. That is, I might not show up somewhere as early as I may like, I might pick up a book different than the one that I went to the store for, or I may sit down to do one task and get involved in thinking about some other project or doing another activity. In the end, I've noticed, it was ok. It was the intention that go me there...and, oh by the way, the information I usually get from that "side-track" is worth it!.)
Earlier I mentioned my teacher Lorraine Monroe. I've been able to hear her speak several times, and I've read one of her books.
I remember in one of her presentations she said,
"You get what you expect, and you give what you respect."
To me, asking for what I want is as commonplace as knowing that I'm going to exercise regularly.
And, one thing that I realized again that morning was that this kind of focus activity does not have to take a lot of time.
In fact, it may have been that if father and son had changed the locus of focus earlier that morning, they may have gotten out of the store, into their car, on the road, and to school on time.
What are you visualizing today?
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