How do you respond - Internally and externally?

“I’m riding through the Rocky Mountains,” I said.
“Oh wow, will you be riding at a high elevation?” she asked.
“Yes; in fact, I’ll cross over the continental divide more than 6 times!”
“Oh, wow. I could never do something like that.”

I left that conversation wondering, “If that is what she said out loud, I wonder what she thought to herself?”

See, I have studied the psychology of engagement for over a decade. I have read books, experimented with ideas, met with psychologists, and am generally the consummate student – always looking for the “next” thing to know.

One theory I believe in is this:

People generally think twice as negatively as they let on out loud. Think about it, when someone says something outlandish (seemingly, to you, that is) and you do respond, do you say EXACTLY what you think?

Or, do you think, and then filter, water-down, change, or somehow alter what eventually comes out of your mouth? In my case, I can remember countless times when I had a thought, and then chose NOT to say what I thought. (Maybe it is a direct application of one of my dad’s “famous” quotes: If you don’t say it, you don’t have to explain it.)

So, when I share my cycling vacation I took last month, two bike tours, back-to-back, through the Colorado Rocky Mountains, I get some pretty interesting responses. Of late, here are the ones I’ve heard (and, remember, I am VERY curious to know what they actually thought!):

“Are you crazy?”
”How could you take that much time off work?”
“How much did that cost?”
“Were you prepared for such a long ride?”
“Why would you willingly do such a thing?” (This was a favorite! When I told one guy I’d be riding a bike for 7-10 hours a day he said, “I wouldn’t want to do something I enjoyed for 7 hours at a time, let alone ride my bike for that long!”)

Here is a challenge for this week:
Track your own response/response. Consider the first response you have internally, and then check the response you give out loud. If there is a large mis-match, or significant discrepancy, think about it.

Is there anything to do/change about that?

Comments

[Tom]

I've really been playing with that inner voice lately, so this is very timely for me. Thanks for sharing the personal stories and thoughts.

As I think about the things I've done/thought/said recently, I definitely wish I would have said/done something a little differently. Taking a pause before responding is good and bad. Answering immediately can be good and bad. Hmmm.

You've made me think (regardless of the solution to that conundrum).