How do you know if you're "there?"

I enjoyed a great dinner-time conversation with a colleague in Colorado Springs last weekend. We met on a Saturday, after I had spent a training day with a few of my cycling coaches, and he had enjoyed a football day with his son...needless to say we had more than enough to talk about with just those two things!

But, our conversation spun around different topics of management philosophies, leadership programs and working with his executive coach. Toward the end of dinner he asked something to the effect of:

"How do you know if you're doing what you need to do?"

Well, this really grabbed my attention. And, the rest of the conversation revolved around a couple of things:

1) If one asks that question, my first assumption is that they are not there yet. Apparently, and I have not read it yet, Barbara Walters wrote about how it took a looooong time to get to "what she needed to do."

2) "Doing what you need to do..." implies that there is more than what is going on right now. And, this follows my belief, nay mindset, that balance is an illusive oasis that most people dream of, but never achieve. Nor, would they really know what to do if they made it there! You see, I have learned over the past few years that this is true:

Once someone achieves something they thought was a goal, they set the next one. They graduate high school, they go to college. They go to college, they major in something special. They get a job. They get married. They have children. They...and, you know, the list goes on. There is ALWAYS something next.

Now, the question, "How do you know if you're doing what you need to do?" is a good one, that still has me thinking. My research project for June is settled (and, for those of you who know me, you know I do a research project each month): I'm going to ask people, "Are you doing what you know you need to do? Tell me about that..."

I am looking forward to the learning!

PS: Thanks, John, for dinner!

Comments

[Church of Dim Sum]

Is it a question of doing or being? I prefer the latter. What you do flows out of that.

[Emmett]

Barbara Walter's life was influenced greatly by her older sister and she's written a beautiful memoir about her life. I read another memoir of a life influence by a sibling that I recommend highly - I actually liked it even more. The memoir is ""My Stroke of Insight"" by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor. Dr Taylor became a Harvard brain scientist to find the cause and cure for schizophrenia because her older brother was a sufferer. Then, crazy as life can be, Dr. Taylor had a stroke at age 37. What was amazing was that her left brain was shut down by the stroke - where language and thinking occur - but her right brain was fully functioning. She experienced bliss and nirvana and the way she writes about it (or talks about it in her now famous TED talk) is incredible.

What I took away from Dr. Taylor's book above all, and why I recommend it so highly, is that you don't have to have a stroke or take drugs to find the deep inner peace that she talks about. Her book explains how. ""I want what she's having"", and thanks to this wonderful book, I can!

[Jens Poder]

What a great question... Sounds like a great dinner.

My primary measures for being "there" is a couple of key indicators that indicates whether I'm doing stuff worth while. Something for which I am suited. These are:

- Flow: Do I find myself getting absorbed into what I'm doing in prolonged periods of time, totally absorbed in the moment, not thinking about being elsewhere. Frequent periods of flow in work and private life signals being "there".

- Synergy in relationsships: Do I cocreate with other people at work and in private life. Do we make progress on mutual goals. That's being "there" for me.

- Play: Is it good fun? Do I work with a smile on my face? Do I take risks and wander off onto new paths. How long is it since I laughed and did something for the pure pleasure of doing it? Exploring for the sake of exploration. Play for the sake of play. That's being "there".

If these measures balances, then I'm happy and on the right track.

- Jens Poder